Don't make out with my wife yet
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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