I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize