Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
