That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize