Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize