mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize