I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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