brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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