get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
