I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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