Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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