Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
