There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
