Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
