TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
