Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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