Your tits are I can't wait for
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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