Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
