If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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