Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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