Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
