you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
