dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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