You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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