She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
