Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
