I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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