I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize