i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
