After last night, I could never be a politician.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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