cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
