so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
