Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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