I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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