In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I fill condoms, not promises.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
