Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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