It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
