I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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