We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
