I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
