i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
ugly people sure do ruin things
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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