This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
