You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
MIDGETS
????
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
