Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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