You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
