You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize