last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
