addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
