How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize