She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
