We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
