I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
