he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
