He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
