At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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