Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
being pregnant is like rehab
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
