What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
