Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
