This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
