Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
