I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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