Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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