Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
